Living On The Line Between Life And Death

When we are born, we are born at the edge of a cliff. As children we stare over the edge in fascination. But children do not stay children forever. Eventually, hair grows where it didn't before, our voices change. We change. We may follow that childish curiosity then, hanging over the edge without fear, immortal. Perhaps even diving in.

But soon enough, we grow, we age, we lose our immortality. You shrink back from the edge in horror, seeing only the crashing waves below, and not knowing what shore is underneath it, whether it be deep enough to die, or just below the surface. Not knowing whether it is dolphins or sharks that inhabit these unfamiliar waters. Or, if you were one who took that dive, you pull yourselves out of the water, and crawl, coughing onto the shore, imagining you saw something dangerous in the depths.

And so you crawl, away from the edge and down the most visibly safe path, skirting around holes and never looking over the edge. You crawl down on all fours, fear over taking your senses. You cling to your harnesses, binding you to the ground, holding onto the grasses that you may not fall into the sky.

Perhaps one day, when your hair has grayed, your stature shrunk, and when your lives have passed you by, in a flurry of school and work, you may dip a toe into that shallow end. Perhaps even take a dip, life guards standing over you, flotation devices keeping you from the unknown deep.

And I denounce you. I condemn you. You the living dead, the never alive.

I declaim you because I have not gotten old and grey, I have not bought a house, chosen a husband and given birth to 2.4 children. No. I have just jumped into the water from that cliff edge. I did so not knowing if I would drown or float, and I didn't even know how to swim.

But I am learning now and I know what you who have grown old have forgotten. It is beautiful. Crashing waves and twisted seaweed. Little fish that dart up to you curiously if you stay still long enough. And I will never forget. I am without harness or life guard. And this is how I shall remain. Whether I float into the sky or sink into the deep I will live. And I will die. And there will be moments when I choke on water and am stung by jelly-fish. And that might kill me. But there are moments where I float on the waves and swim with dolphins. And these moments are worth all the world.

I will not forget.

I will live and I will die.

Without fear or regret.

Can you say the same?